


Perfection

by Clockwork_Dragon



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cognitive Distortions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I don't even have his name in here, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Me writing Logan angst?, My First Fanfic, Oh and Patton's here too but like, Probably ooc virgil, Roman and Thomas are here for like a split second, There's direct dialogue in the beginning from part 1, because it's just his line, but only in the beginning, but that's about it, implied - Freeform, ish, it's more likely than you think, oof sorry patton, self-deprecation, that I published anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockwork_Dragon/pseuds/Clockwork_Dragon
Summary: Logan feels like he can't keep up with the standards he's set for himself. Luckily, Virgil is there to help.ORLogan angst feat. Virgil
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	Perfection

**Author's Note:**

> Note: The bolded text is used to show emphasis for Logan's self-deprecating thoughts because I'm extra like that. But anyway, hello! I wrote a thing and here it is! And just a quick warning, I don't know if what Logan experiences is a panic attack or not, but maybe? Idk I'm writing from personal experience here. Speaking of personal experience, if I know you irl and somehow you found this fic, hi, please don't worry about my mental state I'm fine. Oh and sorry if the writing sucks or if they're ooc, I wrote this stream of consciousness with Grammarly as my beta so. I don't know what else to say here so I hope you enjoy!

“I guess you could say the amount of mistakes you’ve made is… infinitesimal?”

“You make _one_ _mistake_ , and _this_ is what happens!” Logan shouted, hiding a wince. He knew, as Thomas’s center for logic, he shouldn’t have messed up at all. And foolishly, he had hoped the others would let it go, even though he knew there was only a 22.7% chance it would happen. Another mistake.

“Okay, time out for thee and time out for thee, focus on issues or focus on me.” Roman grinned at both of them. Logan groaned.

“Okay, you’re right. Let’s get down to business” 

“To defeat the Huns!” Thomas and Roman excitedly sang. Logan hid another wince. He admitted he was wrong, didn’t he? By saying Roman was right? And yet, even when he tried to do the responsible thing, his conversation was inevitably derailed as the others were distracted by their nonsense. He shoved that line of thinking aside. There was something clearly off with Thomas, he seemed more aloof. And something about the whole situation seemed off to him, he just couldn’t quite tell what it was. The game was afoot.

After a very frustrating conversation and a rather harrowing experience into Anx- _Virgil’s_ room, Logan was relieved when he was finally able to sink out of Thomas’s room and into his own, quickly settling into an armchair. He sat with his face in his hands, trying to block out the thoughts that were whirling through his mind. **Failure. Mistake. Worthless.** He had messed up, again and again. And every mistake was a blow, a reminder that he wasn’t the perfect, efficient being he tried and pretended to be. All he wanted was to help Thomas, but every slip-up showed he couldn’t even do that. Sighing, he got up from his chair and went over to his desk, shifting his notes back into their neat stacks. He had to be perfect, and that meant being organized. He had tried, oh god, he had tried, to stay organized and efficient, through his color-coded calendars, his alphabetical notes, his flashcards. But clearly, it still wasn’t enough. And even worse, the others were now noticing that he wasn’t the perfect, efficient, emotionless side he tried to be. He was _logic_ , emotions only interfere with his job. So why did he feel like he was drowning in them?

It was a week later when Virgil found him on his floor, crying harder than he ever had in his life. 

“Hey Teach, do you… Logan?” Logan didn’t hear him over his thoughts beating against his skull. **Pathetic. Useless. Stupid. Ignorant. Un-**

“-gan? Logan, can you hear me?” Distantly, Logan heard a voice that managed to cut through his thoughts. There was something in his throat that stopped him from talking but managed to jerk his head in a way that could barely be called a nod. **Pathetic** , you can’t even **nod** correctly, how **messed up** do you have to be-

“Can you follow me, Logan? Breathe in for a count of four, okay?” Logan tried. He really did, but lungs seemed to refuse to cooperate. He breathed in to the count, but he let out a wheezing breath at 2, he was so **stupid** all he had to do was **breathe** it shouldn’t be that hard, he’s such a **failure,** he-

“Hey, it’s fine, you’ve got this Logan. I know it’s hard, but let’s try again, okay?” Logan managed to draw in a breath for the full four beats this time, and he felt a sense of satisfaction. He immediately beat it down, however. All he did was **breathe** , that’s **nothing** to celebrate, he did that every day, he did it in his **sleep** , why should he celebrate-

“Great! You’re doing great. Now hold for a count of seven, alright?” Somehow, Logan managed it, even though it felt like his lungs were burning. “Good! You’re almost there, breathe out for eight, got it?” Logan did, following the voice’s gentle counting. After a few more repetitions, with the voice keeping up a steady stream of encouragement between the counting, Logan finally looked up. He wasn’t that surprised to see Virgil crouched down next to him with a look of concern on his face. Of all the sides, Virgil was the one who best knew how to help with… whatever that had been. Virgil smiled gently at him and offered him a tissue. Logan accepted it gratefully, wiping the tears off of his cheeks and trying to hide his embarrassment at someone finding him in that state. He picked up his glasses off of the floor (He wasn’t sure when they had fallen off) and put them back on his face, only to take them off again with a scowl. It seemed that they were still on his face when he had started crying, and now they were covered in tear streaks. He rubbed them on his shirt a few times before shoving them back onto his face, frustrated. It wasn’t perfect, but then, neither was he. And like him, it would have to be good enough for now, because he had an anxious side still looking at him with more concern than was necessary. 

“I apologize, Virgil. I did not intend for you to see me in that state. Now, how may I help you?” Logan said, straightening his tie in an effort to regain some of his dignity. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“I think the better question is how can I help you, Logan. You especially don’t break down crying on the floor for no reason.” Logan cleared his throat and raised his chin.

“I assure you I am fine, Virgil. Now, you would not have come into my room without a reason, so what do you need?” Virgil sighed. 

“Right now, I need you to stop bottling up your emotions and actually communicate with me. Or anyone else, for that matter. But don’t keep all of this to yourself. Please.” It was the please that broke him, such a simple word. But all he could think was of how he had guided him through the breathing exercise, stayed there for him even when he had made it clear in the past he didn’t need his help, or anyone else’s. He looked down at his knees, suddenly unable to meet Virgil in the eye.

“…I feel like I’m drowning,” he admitted in a whisper. “I feel like I’m drowning in emotion that I’m not supposed to have because it only slows me down, prevents me from being as efficient as I must be in order to help Thomas. If I can’t do my job…” he felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Virgil nod encouragingly. He continued. “Every mistake I make is a failure. And every failure just proves to me that I’m a failure, that I’m hurting Thomas because I’m failing at my duty. How can he be expected to work if my functioning is impaired?” 

“Logan.” Virgil’s voice was low but strong. “You are not a failure, okay? And you are not hurting Thomas by making a mistake. Nobody’s perfect-”

“But I have to be!” Logan interrupted. “If I’m not, then that means that I must be a failure, and if I’m a failure, then I’m a waste of space, I’m useless, I’m only an obstacle to Thomas and the rest of you. I’m-” 

“Logan.” Virgil’s voice was still as quiet as before, but gentler. “Cognitive distortions.” Logan blinked, momentarily speechless.

“Now, listen to me for a moment, okay?” Virgil’s voice was strong and sure again. “You are not a mistake. You are not a failure, or a waste of space, or useless, or an obstacle. You are Logan, and yes, you are smart and logical, but you are allowed to have emotions, understand?” Logan nodded slowly, still processing. He didn’t know how to react. 

“I...I think I’m going to take a moment. Would you…” Virgil hesitated.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Logan thought about it for a second.

“Not completely, but right now, I think a nap would be beneficial as long as it is short enough so that it does not interrupt my sleep cycle.” Virgil nodded. 

“If you ever need to talk or anything, don’t hesitate to find me, okay?” And with that, he sunk out of Logan’s room leaving him to slowly get up off the floor to lay on his bed.

**Author's Note:**

> oKAY but the thing with the glasses is something I never see in fics and I can assure you as someone who has cried with glasses on multiple times the literal worst thing is the tears that dry on your glasses because you can't see and you have to clean them off and it's especially bad when someone else is there because then it's just awkward and djfksalf I have feelings about this. But yeah, if you liked this, I have another Sanders Sides fanfic (That's also logan-centric oof) that my friend wrote and I posted! So feel free to go look at that if you want more of that good ol' fashioned Logan angst :)


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